After sweating up a storm at the gym tonight, I walked out into the crisp air with numbers swirling in my head. After all, I had just been fed a healthy stream of them on the treadmill from which I had finally escaped. In addition to treadmill numbers, I somehow began contemplating my age and wondered if I could ever trick myself into thinking I wasn't getting older. Of course, I immediately told myself I know better. We humans are all too good at tracking numbers.
As I was mulling this over, I suddenly realized how much I'm driven by, worried about, and just plain dominated by numbers in my life. Numbers like my age and my weight. Numbers like how much money I make, how much I want to make, and how much everything costs these days. Numbers like how many days are left in the school year, how many minutes I have until bedtime or how many calories I should consume in a day. Numbers like how many miles I should run, how many hours I should sleep or how many times a year I should see the dentist. Numbers like how many friends I have, how many phone calls I get, or how many posts I get on Facebook. Numbers like how many miles are on my car, how many new blemishes I can see on my face or how many trips I can take this year.
To be honest, I'm a bit sick of numbers. I know God created them. I know they're pretty cool and can be used for many great purposes (I don't want to offend math people or cause Albert Einstein to roll over in his grave). I understand that God created numbers and that they are not evil. In fact, I loved math in school and have nothing against numbers or the whole system of mathematics.
Yet, I long for the day when numbers of all kinds will worry me no longer. Will that ever happen while in this earthly, fallen body of mine? I doubt it, but I know that whatever heaven is, it will be glorious and wonderful and a place where numbers won't cause me stress. That sounds great right about now.
The Psalmist says, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12). God wants us to steward our time and be aware of the passing moments. I know He doesn't want me to live in ignorant oblivion regarding the various aspects of my life. Yet, God also teaches us to cast our worries on Him because He cares about us (1Peter 5:7). There is a balance there that I need, but right now I feel more of a need to let go of all the counting and numbering that I'm doing these days.
Lord, give me a healthy freedom from numbers. Show me what that means, and help me keep my eyes on You.
