An Outdoor Classroom

After this week, I don't know how I'm going to work inside anymore.

I try with all my being to not complain too much about the classroom in which I teach.  The room is small and contains no windows.  After my first year of teaching, I coated the gray walls with a bright yellow color (Honey Butter, to be exact) and that seems to give the room a cheery tone anyway.  However, if I had my say, I would have visual access to the outdoors from my choral-director's hangout.

This week was different.  This week, I got to spend most all day every day outside.  It was glorious.  At a camp called High Trails up near Florissant, CO, I spent the last few days roaming the wooded hills and rolling meadows with fellow teachers, high school counselors, 6th graders, and High Trails staffers.  I love this experience and look forward to it every year.

This year was the best so far.  The weather was absolutely pristine.  The aspen trees were beginning to turn and the blazing yellow leaves danced happily against the backdrop of rich green pine trees.  The air was warm but a cool breeze was often present as well.  Wildlife was active and made our daily  hikes adventurous.  Perhaps the most unique thing I saw was a huge, unusual-looking grasshopper with a large, white egg sack billowing out its backside. 

I love the role playing that goes on at High Trails.  This year, I was assigned to the Prospectors discovery group.  This track is dedicated to helping students learn about rocks and minerals and about the history of prospecting in Colorado.  Every day, the High Trails staffer and high school students in charge of this discovery group dressed as old-timey prospectors in overalls, plaid shirts, and beat up hats.  They put on little skits and made students search and dig for rocks and minerals as we made our way around the wilderness.  Almost everywhere we were, we could clearly see the west side of Pikes Peak, looming large over the yellow and green hills below. 

The food, fun, and fellowship at High Trails was also delightful.  Every morning, the best homemade granola I've ever had was set out along with a ton of other yummy items.  We all ate family style and were served by 6th graders who took turns being "able waiters". 

I'm rambling at this point.  The point is, I had an amazing week and wish I never had to work inside after getting to spend so much time outdoors.  There is something calming, refreshing, and life-giving about being outside in nature.  There is something even more powerful about getting to share nature with others, especially 6th graders who are eager learners and provide a unique perspective to the experience. 

Before I sign off, I must also mention the stars.  The stars were so incredibly magnificent in the clear autumn sky away from all the pollution and lighting of the city.  When I saw the stars this week, it was all I could do to not thank God out loud for the amazing display.  I at least prasied Him in my heart.

So, that's all for now.  I am quite tired and need to ready for bed.  I'm glad I have a job and my classroom at school, but I just might have to figure out how to transport my music classes outside...at least until the first signs of winter arrive.

Tears

I've been incredibly weepy lately.  Everything makes me want to cry, even if I'm not sad.  The weekend I just spent in Wyoming was no exception. 

I'm not sure what's going on, but it feels like my brain has decided to court my emotions.  Today, while watching Emma with my family, I wanted to cry over the hurt that Emma caused Miss Bates even though I have seen the film multiple times before and was not in the least surprised by the turns in the plot.  Yesterday in church, I sat in the pew tensely for a full ten minutes, ready to flee to the bathroom in the event that the emotional well brewing just under the surface decided to overflow.  The sermon was powerful, but there was nothing overly evocative about it. 

Yesterday afternoon, tears blurred my vision over and over as I sat across the table from a dear elderly friend who had taken me out for dessert and coffee.  As she told stories from her past, goosebumps and tears overwhelmed me.  My feelings were acutely hyper.  I wondered what the other folks in the restaurant were thinking of teary-eyed me. 

The same thing occurred today as I spent precious time with my mom and dad before leaving Wyoming.  I sat at a loss on the couch in our family room as tears flowed and flowed for what seemed like an eternity.  My parents sat there and listened as I tried to ramble about why, their presence creating a balm for my heart. 

And those are not all the incidents of that kind that I could relate.  From this weekend alone. 

The truth is, I am not completely sure why this is or what is happening with me.  It's especially hard to decipher since I don't always feel like I'm crying out of sadness.  It seems instead like I am crying out of intense feeling...feeling for my own hurts, excitements, fears, anticipations...but, more interestingly, feeling for those aspects in the lives of others as well.

Somehow, in some way, the Lord is waking me up to other people in completely new ways.  It's like He's peeling back a new layer of my emotions and asking me to feel on a new level.  It's a bit crazy.  I'm a bit unsure.  It's frighteningly and amazingly new.

This is the raw reality of me right now.  I have unspeakable joy in the midst of the emotion.  I can honestly say that I trust God, even in this unfamiliar territory.  I just pray that, if God is doing surgery on me, that I will truly allow Him to cut what needs to be cut and to reveal what needs to be revealed.  I pray that all the tears, for whatever cause they are being shed, will somehow be useful for God's kingdom.