I Know Who Holds My Hand

It's scary to write what's on my heart sometimes.  Somehow, we humans are trained to put up strong exteriors.  Somehow, even when people say it's okay to be real and to cry, it still doesn't seem like it is.  Somehow, the walls that we so swiftly construct are easier to build than they are to tear down. 

That's why, sometimes, I don't like what I write in my blog nearly as much as what I write in my personal journal.  When I take up a pen to let my thoughts flow onto my journal, I have no filter.  I let my thoughts and the deepest crevices of my heart bubble to the surface.  Sometimes, I barely know what I'm writing as I do, but when I look back, I am moved. 

Tonight might be different because tonight, my heart is overwhelmed by the strongest bittersweet emotion.  Time passes and each day closes as quickly as it began and I feel caught in an endless cycle of sameness.  But when I see the world around me, nothing looks familiar.  Everything is morphing and I recognize that my own sameness has fooled me.  Suddenly, nothing seems certain.  I feel so alone.

In the midst of it, I wonder if my years have taught me anything because I feel vulnerable and like I'm a little kid all over again.  I hate feeling vulnerable.  I like feeling strong.  I despise feeling out of control.  I want the reins.  I want to set the course.  I want to be in charge.

And then, I realize that I must be clay in God's hands.  This fighting and struggling and bickering and fearing won't do.  It won't make the unfamiliar known or slow the cycle of the days.  Nothing I try in my own strength will calm the flood of days that are passing swiftly before me.  Nothing but surrender.

I know Who holds my hand.  Christ Jesus is His name.  He is enough.  He is all I need.  He can surround me with His love.  He will never leave me.  He will never abandon me.  He will see me through.

I know Who holds my hand and that is all that matters.

The Joy of the Lord

The temperature is frigid.  That might be an understatement.  Just possibly.  School was canceled today and a two-hour delay is already planned for the morning.  My fingers are laced in cold even now as I type.

I have been contemplating joy.  Consider Nehemiah 8:10b: "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah asks the Israelites with him to not grieve.  Though they had seen tremendously hard times and did not know the future, Nehemiah exhorts them to lay aside what pains their hearts.  Yet, knowing that humans cannot simply ignore their grief, he goes on to state that "the joy of the Lord is your strength."

The joy of the Lord.  Joy is something that is lacking in the raw human heart.  There is no natural joy but rather a natural pessimism, fear, and longing that resides in our souls.  The happiness we feel upon the arrival of good times lasts but briefly and we are once again left with the grim reality of broken earthly life.  It is a sad fact that what ails us gets more attention than those other aspects in life that might actually be in line.  We feel the prick of every shard of glass that has broken away from what we know should be. 

Yet, there is joy that is supernatural.  There is joy offered to us through the grace of God.  That joy is not only illuminating and refreshing, it is strengthening as well.  "The joy of the Lord is your strength."  Anyone who has experienced grief knows how exhausting it is.  Pain and heartache saps us of energy, motivation, and the will to live well.  We shrivel under such sorrow.  Praise God, then, for the joy that He offers and for the strength that it bestows!

Are you in a state of exhaustion or grief?  Turn to the Lord.  Surrender to Him.  Lay your griefs at His feet and watch His joy strengthen your life.  You need not wait until times are good.  He is asking you to give Him your heart now and to allow His joy to encompass you.  His joy will imbue you with life and vitality once again.  May this truth permeate you and me today!