To Be or Not To Be...Intense

Here is a noteworthy fact about me: I am intense. In fact, my whole family is intense. Growing up, this truth often manifested itself in hilarious ways. For example, anytime the whole clan was in a vehicle together, the volume of conversation would continually rise until we were practically shouting...not because we were angry, but because we are all intense and verbose folks who usually feel the need to give our input and be heard.

We were that family that rarely had a quiet dinner table...someone always had something to say. To this day, I marvel at those families I see at restaurants sitting in complete silence for the whole meal. When observing such a thing, I am curious beyond belief. To me, such a minimal communication style is foreign.

There were also times when our intensity as a family ignited sparks. Sparks of frustration, anger, or turmoil with each other or with circumstances. Sparks of restlessness or passion or fear. Sparks of many kinds. Intensity can be exhausting and I've seen that first-hand many a time. Though I am often proud of my intense nature because I see it as a strong motivator, time has taught me that such a posture in life can be very debilitating.

As a Christ-follower, my intensity gets me into trouble. Too often, I try to manage things in my life on my own because I have not the patience nor the faith to trust God with what I deem necessary to figure out right now. What a mistake. When my disposition hinders my faith, that is serious for "without faith it is impossible to please God" (Heb. 11:6). Impossible is a strong word.

Lately, I have been contemplating the way my personality factors into how I approach my life. God created my intense nature and the drive I feel within, but He desires to use that nature for His glory. In times past, when I have felt the destructive nature of my passions while in my own grip, I have observed more laid-back people in my life and envied their disposition. Why can't I be more like her? She is trusting, relaxed, and relatively stress-free. That would be nice. Willing it to be so, I would then procede to muscle myself into being relaxed. What? Hello, Oxymoron Woman.

How about this? How about accepting and loving myself in a Biblical way? How about realizing that God wants to redeem even the broken aspects of my intensity and channel every ounce of my passion and drive into work for His Kingdom? What does that require? Surrender...and that is something with which an intense person struggles.

What a beautiful thing it is and will be when I surrender to Christ in full! No need to give my disposition a makeover. I need only to abide in Christ and allow Him to work through me. What a relief to know that I don't have to be someone I am naturally not! God even created intense people; may I then be intensely surrendered to Him.