New Year, New What?

The start of a new year inspires every human soul. Even those cynics who coolly condemn making resolutions experience a stirring of their spirit when the concept of a fresh start accompanies the turning of the calendar. I'll admit that I have sometimes fallen into that cynic category, not wanting to giddily jump on the resolutions bandwagon just to experience a disgraceful tumble into the dirt a few weeks later.

The year 2010 has started off with no official resolutions in my life. That does not, however, mean that I am not contemplating what ways I need to challenge myself in the coming months. The growing theme on my heart has been my walk with God. In the end, nothing else matters. Without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Without faith, it is impossible to fulfill the great commission that Jesus gave in Matthew 28. As a believer, what goal should I have other than to please and glorify God and to further His Kingdom? To this I cannot procure a satisfactory answer. To live a surrendered life on fire for Christ should be my one ambition.

Yet, my life is often backwards from this. I strain and struggle to make myself more attractive via material means, intellectual pursuits, or physical challenges. I try to balance myself atop a flimsy self-perception, caring far too much far too often about how others view me. I fancy myself adorable when others applaud me and endlessly critique myself when lonely nights appear. I am given to selfish pursuits and self-gratifying prayers. In the meantime, I dabble in my walk with God. If asked for the top priority in my life, I would deem myself honest if I said God but would know that the pattern of my life does not completely support such a proclamation. I want to be on fire for Christ but somehow imagine it will happen without putting in the effort and passion that such a fervor requires.

In recent years, I have whined and grumbled and groveled for a change in this or that circumstance. I have fretted over my lot in life and have envied others for what they have. I have made my dreams and self-made visions my goals and have expected that God will be on board with my plans. Multiple times He has shut the door on my ideas. Multiple times, I have stumbled back only to again jump up in pursuit of a new thought-up idea like a dumb dog who learns not that his master is slapping him with the paper for a reason.

Such an analysis of my recent life may seem harsh, although I believe it to be painfully accurate. It's not that I have not desired intimacy with Christ. It is rather that I have not been willing to surrender myself to Him to gain His close friendship. I have not given adequate time or passion to pursuing His will, His vision, and His guidance in my life.

So, in thinking on this new year, my one goal is to get to know my Creator on a deeper level. My aim is seek His face. My desire is to stop wiggling in my seat and to cease fidgeting before Him. May I learn to "Be still and know" that He is God (Ps. 46:10). Let every other thing in my life unfold as it may. If nothing but a closer walk with God and a life that is a more constant testament to the Gospel of Christ is attained in 2010, may I count myself blessed.